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Every week, I get together with an incredible group of women. I even pay a babysitter so that I can get together with these folks. I am extremely attracted to this gathering because of the unique setup where I feel liberated to be myself.

As with every community, there are guidelines for membership and participation.  The suggested mode for this group is that we do not give advice and only talk about ourselves. We do not assume what people need or do not need. We do not make suggestions. We do not advice.  We just share our stories.  I admit to being awfully skeptical with the idea that talking about myself (sounded selfish at first) can lead to good friendships. But I have found that when I walk into the group, my mind is so free from any need to meddle, judge, fix, or control others, that I am able to be my most genuine self. Others feel that freedom as well. As a result, I get authentic and unfiltered versions of people’s stories, and they are a deep encouragement to me. The message I inevitably take away is always, “I am unconditionally acceptable.”  When I look at others, I am able to admire their courage and share in their journey of joy and sorrow.

Sometimes, I need my friends. I do not expect anyone to come to me, assuming they have the right answers. In fact, I always hope nobody comes with any assumptions, as I find them presumptuous and demeaning. Instead, I go and tell them exactly what I need and see who is willing to cry with me, go to the movies with me, or recommend a reading. With every passing week, I have come to realize I favor this way of doing friendships over any other.

I am really quite done with judging people, gossiping, and qualifying my sense of self. It is pleasant and freeing simply to be me. I lament that our world is sometimes not generous and filled with grace, but I value that I am able to receive the unique gifts of unconditional love and acceptance in actual practice. It is amazing how when nobody is out to change me, I feel a strong urge to becoming a better person and friend.